![\"IMG](\"https:\/\/gunnerstown.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/IMG_0160-281x400.jpeg\")
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Distribution: Strictly limited to clubs, officials, and anyone who can keep a straight face<\/span><\/p>\n To all participating clubs,<\/span><\/p>\n Following a comprehensive review of this season\u2019s entertainment objectives, we would like to remind all teams of their civic duty to ensure Manchester City continue accruing points in a manner that creates maximum emotional distress for Arsenal Football Club.<\/span><\/p>\n This is not a suggestion. This is not even really a hint. This is football governance.<\/span><\/p>\n All clubs are therefore instructed to:<\/span><\/p>\n \u2022 Defend normally against Manchester City until approximately the 73rd minute.<\/span><\/p>\n \u2022 Then, preferably, experience a sudden lapse in concentration.<\/span><\/p>\n \u2022 Avoid scoring first, as this may interfere with the approved title-race narrative.<\/span><\/p>\n \u2022 Refrain from making Arsenal fans hopeful for more than 14 minutes at a time.<\/span><\/p>\n We appreciate that some clubs may have concerns about fairness. Please note that fairness is very much a theoretical concept and should not be permitted to disrupt broadcast schedules, social media engagement, or Arsenal-related suffering.<\/span><\/p>\n Special note regarding Arsenal:<\/span><\/p>\n Should Arsenal unexpectedly win a match, all other results must be arranged to restore equilibrium within 24 hours. If this is not possible, please ensure a controversial refereeing discussion is circulated online to maintain the correct emotional climate.<\/span><\/p>\n Failure to comply may result in disciplinary action, strongly worded statements, a further delay to the resolution of City\u2019s 115 charges, or a suspended ban that will be rescinded after nobody remembers why it existed.<\/span><\/p>\n Thank you for your continued cooperation in preserving the integrity, tension, and occasional misery of the Premier League.<\/span><\/p>\n Regards, <\/span><\/p>\n Football Administration Department <\/span><\/p>\n \u201cKeeping It All Very Balanced Since Never\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Screenshot<\/p>\n<\/div>\n English by birth, Australian by choice. Traffic Engineer, Arsenal ST Holder, Sun DreamTeam Winner, Writer on @GunnersTown, Depeche Mode, Welcome to my world\u2026<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n![\"IMG](\"https:\/\/gunnerstown.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/IMG_0161-450x284.jpeg\")
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<\/div>\nLike this:<\/h3>\n